Parents take control of technology
I write this first to myself, then to my wife Cindy and our children and then to all of you ... so please read this knowing we are very much in process along with all of you.
But Dr. Al Mohler's words in a recent article hit me hard - here they are, 'Parents must take control. Arming themselves with knowledge is the first
step but summoning the courage to establish clear boundaries, rules,
and consequences is of equal importance.'
In an article by Dr. Mohler referencing a current article in The New York Times Magazine, he writes about how our children are growing up in a digital age and for many it has become an addiction which is dominating their lives and we must step in and help them - even though most won't want the help. Click
HERE to view the entire article.
This is like the difference between felt needs and real needs. Churches that focus on felt needs really are missing the mark as often our felt needs are NOT our true needs but many times we don't know what we don't know!
So it is with this current generation of young people. Our media and educational systems have convinced them that they know ... well they know just about everything and their parents are old fashioned, confused, out of touch and just a little dense. Just watch about any sitcom to see the portrayal of parents and teens in this.
Well time to stand up and declare the truth. The Bible warns about 'being wise in one's own eyes' (Proverbs 3:7). And there is a strong warning about being wise in one's own eyes such as in Proverbs 12:15, 'The way of a fool is right in his
own eyes, but a
wise man listens to advice.' OR how about this warning in Proverbs 26:12, 'Do you see a man who is
wise in his
own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for him.'
The truth is that our young people need to be warned and even protected from the lure of the world through their digital devices such as ipods, computers, facebook, video games, cell phones, etc.
As Dr. Mohler says, 'Parents must take control.' Time to take control parents. Your children may not appreciate it right now, may even get angry and be very bitter and push back but just know you are doing the right thing. Anyone addicted to something never responds well when it is taken away. And anytime we say 'no' to the flesh we get a negative and often angry response.
There is nothing wrong, actually let me say it this way, there are many things right with limiting your child's time on their computer, their video game, their ipod, or their cellphone. AND you should have their passwords and logon ID's so you can monitor what they are doing IF you see signs that things are going south in their attitudes, spiritual walk, school, etc.. Now I know many may react in a very negative way when they read that last sentence but don't let the human rights cry of freedom of expression and a 'just trust me' mentality sway you from what you know is right.
The pull and lure of temptation and sin as well as our own nature's bent toward what is not good for us never mind what is sinful demands accountability, openness, scrutiny and checking. Sin requires secrecy and there is no reason at all that our teens and pre-teens should be granted full privacy to what they watch, listen to, type and talk about. We do need to respect and show a wisdom in what we check and how we check and be sure to guard what we see not spreading it to others in a unkind or uncaring manner.
But they need accountability. The digital world has opened up so many opportunities and vehicles for our children which were never available for us or earlier generations. And even a student with the highest of motives and goals needs accountability and help in walking with Christ when it comes to technology and media.
View your child's facebook page regularly - and their friends pages. If you don't have a facebook account and they do - create one for you - even if you only have one friend - your child - and view their page regularly. Even if they tell you that you are 'creeping' (we have heard this numerous times)!
I am shocked at how many students seem oblivious to the fact that facebook is a public media. They post pictures of being at parties where there is drinking going on, guys and girls all over each other, etc. And what floors me even more is I keep asking - where are their parents? If i can see this stuff why can't their parents? And if they can see it why don't they do something about this?
So step up and be the parent. They don't have to agree with you, and may not even like you for a time but do what you know they need. This is no different than what we put in our own lives - open life, all areas available for scrutiny by some trusted people, accountability, etc. I am not suggesting something different for them than we have for ourselves.
Listen - you may trust you child - I hope you do, we trust our children. BUT that does not mean we put no accountability and checking into their lives. As I tell them often, life has not made us equal - I am the parent, God designed it this way, and one of the things my life experience has taught me that yours has not yet is that trust does not mean no accountability or checking. I trust you but I do NOT trust sin, temptation and your nature or mine.
Therefore, I will check up and will not feel guilty about it. And if you are not doing anything that you are ashamed of or know is wrong then you should not have a major issue with it. Parents, they like us, will always struggle at least a little with accountability and openness - it makes us feel like we are younger than we are, like we are untrustworthy - but get used to it. I still have those feelings sometimes and I am in my 50's. So get over it and tell them to get used to it and then keep an eye on their technology, their communication, what they watch and listen to - just check regularly until you see a sustained commitment to godly living ... and then still check once in a while.
And parents - any parent with a teen or pre-teen boy - you MUST have Covenant Eyes (CE) software on every computer you own including your own (click
HERE to view their site). This is an accountability software product offered by some Christians who started this company and offer some great software. I have looked at most of the filter and accountability software available as has Jon Sodeman, our staff technology expert, and we both think nothing comes close to the CE software. It doesn't stop anyone from viewing anything but reports what has been viewed. And they also have some filtering software if you want to stop certain sites or searches.
All other filter/accountability software we have seen has too many ways to get around it. And often your children know how to use your computer better than you do so they will know how to get around it. And wives - you should insist your computers - all of them in your house - have this software to help your husband. It costs about $8/month and can be put on multiple computers for this cost. It is easy to install and sign up, runs in the background and just watches what is watched on your computer. And then it reports weekly to whoever you tell it to report to - accountability partners - whoever you tell it to report to.
We insist all our elders and staff have it on all computers. So it is on every work computer and home computer. Our kids know if something shows up on our report for our home computers which is questionable they will be answering to Mr. Wiebe as he is my accountability partner. Trust me - they don't want to sit with Tim and discuss this even though he is a really nice guy! So it helps keep you (and me) from temptation and sin.
I cannot for the life of me figure out why any wife would not insist this be installed on all their computers ... and why any parent would not insist on this as well for their children. And to me any husband or teen who is pushing against installing this is screaming forth there is something they want to keep hidden. May not always be the case but I think would almost always be the case. I feel that strongly about it.
And CE has software for iphones and ipods which can access the internet. We all have that software as well on our phones.
Parents take control - trust your children but when all the stats tell you that about 80-90% of teens and men are into porn - including Christians and when all the experts are voicing alarms over the time spent and the control lost to video games, texting, facebook, MP3's, computers, etc. we must do a better job of helping our children at such a crucial time in their lives.
I know we are reassessing our use of technology in our house and how much control it might have in our children's lives and I felt compelled to write this and ask each of you to do the same.
I believe that one day our children will thank us for protecting them from themselves even if they don't like it right now!
Norm